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The Discovery

So last Thursday, we manage to get an appointment with Dr. Gandhi to checkout the pain that I have been having with my back for the past 3 weeks that hasn’t gone away. He checked it out thoroughly which made me tear up because it was sooo painful.

The final diagnosis of what I’m having is Periscapular Pains (basically in general means prolonged muscle pains). Therefore the treatment for it is by doing exercise and physio for 5session in 3 weeks then to go back and see him to do a follow up, It the pain still occurs then it means we have to take a next step which is by going for an MRI or CT scan which also means in order to do that I will have to be admitted into the hospital to claim it with insurance.

With that aside, I also discovered that “something” that runs in the family is trying to get in me.  I mean I knew that there is something in the family but I didn’t think that “it” would want me with me being an adopted child and all. I even spoke to Mak about it too, she advices me not take it because if I take it then it would start disturbing not only me but the kids as well so for their safety we tell “it” that I don’t want it. I told Nym all about it and Nym said Abg Raja would help tell the thing that I am not willing to take it so that “it” would find someonelse.

With all that being said, I now can confirmed that both discovery caused my pain and my spine is working just fine.

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Thought Download..

So I haven’t been feeling myself lately. Been having back pains for almost 3weeks now. Struggling to get up everyday hoping the pain wouldn’t come back but who am I kidding, it is going to come back until we find out the root cause of the pain which means I still have to go to the hospital to see Dr. Gandhi and do the bloody MRI. Then only we can decide what to do next.

When I told him how I feel it didn’t seem like he accepted it how I thought he would as a husband but then again men being men right. They only would try to understand if it is important to them. He said things that hurt me a lot and made me even feel worse about myself in which is not at all helping.

I feel like I have not been a good partner, wife, mother, friend or even a sister. Its like I’m useless. I hate feeling that I am because I know I has achieved soo much and I have improved in many ways I couldn’t see myself doing before I got married. I know how to cook now and I am good at it! I can bake and I love doing so! I have 3 beautiful children who drives my blood pressure up up and away but that is okay cause I love them so much!  I know how to do laundry, fold clothes, clean the house basically all the house chores, I am able to do it!

So I’m going to try something..

I am going to keep journaling as frequent as possible so that I will not let it get it me. I will let it slide. Well I know its hard but then.. I have to try something right? and this will be it.. to many more thought downloads and feelings..

I GOT THIS!